Parenting
Thursday, May 15, 2008

"Hailey" is 14. Her grades are dropping. She has a new set of friends and she has been especially moody the last two months. Her parents wonder, "Is this normal teen behavior or is something wrong?" The answer is not easy; decisions are full of doubts and second guesses. The dream for a happy healthy child is fading. What will her future look like now? Her parents worry.

We all worry because news reports are scary:

- kids are using drugs and alcohol on a regular basis
- about 25% of our kids are not completing high school
- family attachment is dropping
- family conflict is rising
- kids have no work ethic or acceptable social skills.

Parents need to know what to do. The good news is that parents are the most influential people in children's lives and much can be done to strengthen and build those family relationships (even during the rough teen years) that will help insulate our kids from the unhealthy influences and behaviors.

The most important action a parent can take is to open a conversation with their kids about the difficult things. These topics will not just come up. Parents need to be willing to initiate these talks -- and not just once. Alcohol, drugs, sex and risky behavior must be part of an ongoing dialogue. If parents will enter this uncomfortable territory, the kids will know what is expected of them, and if parents listen, they can learn much about the daily pressures the kids face. This creates better understanding and contributes to safer kids.

These conversations should include:

- balancing independence while setting appropriate limits
- setting clear expectations with specific consequences
- knowing where they are, who they are with, and when they will be home
- creating ways for involvement in family life
- helping them resist negative pressures in school and with friends

Support for kids doesn't end with words. Shared fun is key to healthy families. Fun time must be scheduled. There must be time to do things together. Kids often say they don't want to participate, however they still value the time together, even if doesn't feel that way. Enjoyment will visibly grow as family time continues.

Parents must be good role models. Kids watch adults for behavior cues. When they aren't listening to words, kids need to see an example. Adult actions should model a healthy decision making process and a commitment to acting upon those decisions.

There are many national resources available for parents. For national information go to http://www.talkingwithkids.org and http://www.theantidrug.com.

There are many local resources, too. Mercer House is a family resource center. We serve the community's youth and families in several ways. First, we provide them with parenting "tools." Kids don't come with instructions. Our rapidly changing culture makes it difficult to know the "right" way to respond to the unique challenges our kids face every day. Our family programming is designed to provide the tools for the family's survival toolbox. Second, as a referral source, we provide parents with the information to address the myriad of constantly changing needs that kids have throughout their developmental stages. We guide parents to the many support services available in Natrona County, whether in our agency or other agencies, such as Boys&Girls Clubs, YMCA, schools, Public Library, Uplift, Casper College, Youth Crisis Center, and beyond. Families in need should not have to search through the phone book. Mercer House has professionals ready to help families determine their needs and provide the information necessary to make the community connections required for success.

The most accurate way to predict the success of a child is not by social status or income. Instead, a family home environment that encourages learning, communicates reasonable but high expectations of current and future achievements, and actively interacts with the child and his school determines it. Kids with this level of parental involvement are happier, have a more positive attitude, have decreased alcohol and drug use, and are less likely to demonstrate antisocial behavior. The positive impact of a healthy family is unmistakable.

It is not just talk when we say families are very important to our community. Strong, healthy families produce happy, healthy, productive children. This is the cycle we need, as a community, to emphasize. We need to make sure we provide the resources families need; we need to make sure there are programs designed to enhance good parenting skills; we need to make sure we make it possible for families to engage with their community. Natrona County needs this for our kids and for our future.

We all dream that our kids will be happy, healthy, productive citizens. In fact, this is not a dream limited to our own families, but a dream we have for all the children in our community. Our children are our future. Happy, healthy, productive kids have a better chance of becoming happy, healthy, productive adults. These adults are good for the community and good for the next generation of kids.

For more information you can contact Mercer House at 265-7366 or visit our website at http://www.mercercasper.com.